Frozen Roads & Pregnant in a Rolling Chair: The Birth of My Efficacy

Story Time Part 1: How Humanizing Policy Shaped My Efficacy

I had no idea what it was called back then. What I now know to be my belief in myself, my efficacy, was being developed in real time and not by a policy binder sitting on my Principal's shelf.

I am telling my age because I remember driving on the Pierce Elevated (IYKYK) and getting a phone call from Mrs. Hicks asking me if I was okay. She knew the overpasses might freeze over. She also knew my drive to room 2008 at Claughton Middle School included 35 miles, 2 major freeways, and many overpasses. When I told her I was fine and on my way, I was really nervous and likely to be a few minutes late. She asked me again and this time I was truthful.

Policy did not include her having to call me on my way in. Policy did not include her telling me to be safe, take my time, and if it was not safe, stop. It did not include her telling me she could get me a sub if needed.

I was late. Just about 30 minutes. When I got to my room, she was there watching my class for me. My AP who had over 40 years in the game was there watching my class. I would not dare disappoint her by not giving those 7th graders my all that day or any day after. Mrs. Hicks showed me that policy is not just rules. It is people choosing to care. That care built a belief in myself I carried into every class after that. I remember standing there, late and flustered, and realizing she believed in me more than I believed in myself at that moment.

In my 3rd year of teaching I was navigating a high risk pregnancy after two miscarriages, one of which was twins. We had three angel babies, so this pregnancy carried a lot of stress. My OB found that my hormone levels were dropping and I needed to have an injection weekly so that my body allowed me to carry our third living child to term. The availability of the mobile nurse who would deliver those shots just happened to be during normal business hours. Well guess where I was? Yep. 100% guaranteed to be teaching 7th graders.

Let’s not forget the nausea that came with the injection where I was directed to lay down for at least 30 minutes. After giving the news to my Principal and Coach, every week for about 30 minutes to one hour that nurse came to my school. We met in the nurse’s office. She would inject me. I would lay down. And on many days my Principal or Coach watched my class so that I could stay pregnant.

Fast forward to trimester 2 when my OB told me I would have to be off of my feet or at home on bed rest. My students needed me. He said I could work but not walk all day or move around a lot. The policy at school was to be actively monitoring and not teaching from our desks.

Once again my appraisers and support redefined that policy so I could keep teaching and my students could keep learning. It was never selfish on their part. My pregnancy was progressing well as long as I minimized activity. While my admin team encouraged option B, which was staying home, they honored my decision A, which was my choice to keep showing up. They checked on me several times a day. Servant leadership. Care. Tear-jerking support.

My students pushed me around the room with a belly full of baby while I taught sitting down in my rolling chair. I had to figure out new ways to be creative in teaching. My kids honored my decision by giving me their all each day. All of us were doing the best we could. They grew my confidence and I watched theirs increase at the same rate. But even still my kids would ask me why I didn't stay home? They wanted to know why I continued to choose them. Overall, they knew I cared and they witnessed my sacrifice. Soon, they began to check each other so my stress levels stayed down. They did what I asked the first time. They tried harder because they knew I could have left them to a stranger but I chose them and I think deep down they understood why.

"So you can drive a sub crazy? Nope."

I was getting better in my instructional delivery of the math, but the belief that I could under crazy circumstances made the math that much more real because my students could see that even in the trying times of real life, we were still learning and still believing.

These stories are my anchor. They showed me that policy alone does not build efficacy, people do. When leaders choose care over compliance and servant leadership over self, they create the space for teachers to believe in themselves. That belief is contagious. Students see it. They feel it. And they begin to believe too. That is why this series begins here.

See you in 2 weeks with for our next story all about how belief carries from us to the kiddos. Thank you for reading part 1! Comment and go to the homepage to subscribe, please!